Notes on the inner self

[Jacob]

The path of the inner self, naturally, requires the user focus on themselves. Focusing the blood on her charkas, Catherine enters a semi-lucid dream state. One hand writes notes describing the experience. The following are excerpts for her lucid notes starting March of 2071 onwards. While not hidden, these contents of such notes are not discussed even amongst interested Tremere, only methodology.

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April 10th , 2071

Only basic focal objects: red wine, charcoal, hand mirror.

Sparkles. Many sparkles, blindingly so . They turn into a cloth that surrounds me closely. I reach my hand through, the sparkled cloth is thin, but I cannot see through it. I feel a weight in my shrouded hand. It feels like warm metal, but is light and malleable like clay as I turn it over in my hand. I reach another hand out, I feel heat, pressure, light on the outside. I attempt to reach my face out, but it cannot break past the sparkling cloth surrounding me, instead it blinds me. End of trance.

April 27th, 2071

Basic focal objects, rum instead of wine.

The sparkles still surround, but I can see one figure through them: a cat. It is skittish, watching every noise. I step towards it, the sparkle shroud moves with me. The cat runs quickly, but still follows me closely, about a yard away. I follow it, it keeps its distance but leads me, to a clearing. I see girls playing, 4 in pigtails, as they spin and I try to walk towards them they fade. End of trance. Pigtails. I haven't worn pigtails since I was 12. Will have to replicate later.

May 3rd, 2071

Same objects

I see the girls again, again 4 in pigtails. I wish to join them in play. As I step towards their circle, they move around me. The sparkle cloth surrounds me again. They want to reach me, but the shroud blocks them, i feel them reach towards me. I try to pull them in, but the shroud only gets thicker. Pull even harder, trance snaps. End of trance.

May 5th, 2071

Pigtails, plush toy

I feel an embrace around me. I hold it close, it pushes away. I hold closer, I feel blood, the blood enters through my fingernails. The figure holds to my chest. I cannot make out the figure, but it begins to suckle, blood comes out and it feeds. The blood drains from my center, but comes back to me through my fingers. A circle of feeding. I try to push the figure away to end it, but find myself only pulling closer, tightening this bond until the body and I collapse into each other. End of trance.


May 20th, 2071

Same objects, same pigtails.

I see the girls. I feel a drain of blood from my breast. Then it shatters. End of trance. Fuck, fuck this all. I'll make this work for them. I have to. Let's see. . . The remainder if networks of names - Moxie, Leigh, Ella, Michelle, PD, linked together in a rats nets of connections and one word questions. The handwriting is increasingly erratic to the point of illegibility

May 22nd, 2071

Focal objects, and a 2ft portion of rope

The sparkled shroud surrounding me like a fog. I see figures outside it, I want them to see me. When I try and step out, the shroud only grows thicker. I hear laughter from the outside, the hiss of a cat. I try to push through harder, the shroud only grows thicker, near solid. I flail at it without effect, leaving bloody scars on the shroud. My hands do not bleed though, but my eyes tear blood. End of trance.

June 5th, 2071

Focal objects, 2ft of silk string

The shroud returns, the figures remain. This time I do not push through, but pull the shroud towards me. As I do it lightens, I see through it. I see animals through it: a raven perched, a horse, a bloodhound with the cat perched atop. If I step forward, they move back. If I stay still, they remain close. It begins to storm. If I reach for them they run, but if I do not they hold closer, still on the other side of the shroud. End of trance.

June 12th, 2071

Focal objects, 2ft of silk string, a lotus flower and a marigold

The shroud again. I hold tight to the flowers and pull on the string, pull the shroud towards me. As it reaches my body, it becomes a semi sheer cloth around me, I see the animals, I see the storm upon them. I do not approach, I reach my hand out with the string and begin to walk around them. As I do, the string leaves a sparkling trail. I circle the animals, they stay where they are. I complete a circle around them. Within this circle the storm stops, leaving only light rain. The animals stay where they are and I sit, they surround me keeping a distance. The sparkled shroud thickens around me, but I can see through it, the animals rest around me. I close my eyes. End of trance